Remembering: A Walk in My Shoes

It was part of a program which brought people together to talk about their faiths and personal theology. Sharing it while the program would collect data on us. I won’t bother to dig up the transcript for my focus group. Because I’m dead tired at 4 am right now and I’m having a meeting with Ms. Keylocke tomorrow. Difficulty is nigh!

But anyhow here’s the blogs from that era. Seems so long ago but it’s from first year when I met S. (decided to pull out her name it’s not exactly legal for me to disclose it I think?)

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Welcome to your Walk in my Shoes blog!
Please write an entry after each conversation. (You can write more often, if you want!) In writing your entry, please consider the following questions:
• What were the issues you addressed, what did you talk about?
• How did the topic sheet shape your conversation?
• What do you feel you were able to give in the conversation?
• What did you gain from the conversation?

+ your reflections …

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2009

Things Sacred

We were supposed to have our first talk on Thursday but due to my unpunctuality we had to postpone the meeting to Friday but instead got to know each other a bit on Thursday because S is actually my sister's housemate from my sister's university days.
The conversation went on for 2 hours and was amiable throughout we talked about everything on the topic sheet following most questions as we weren't sure of the scope of the title mostly. It went as if we were comparing religions really talking about the differences and similarities in our religions. We used the topic sheet as a guideline as to what to talk about and to help jog our memories. It was more of a curious exploratory conversation that delved in to the depths and technicalities of our religions. From our conversation I feel that I have gained a deeper understanding in S's religion and a clearer understanding as to why someone has picked such a religion but yet leaves me curious even more. The conversation also made me think more about the role faith plays in my life compared to hers as she's very devout. Sorely lacking in my piety so to speak. I've also learned a bit about my own religion and how it is to other people from a different religious standpoint. There wasn't any serious problems as both of us have come from tolerant societies and accepted each others religion even if we had different opinions on certain things. It did take 2 hours though and it was probably one of the longest conversations I've had in awhile.
I feel quite spiritually lacking compared to partner at the moment and would like to undergo some self improvements to try and match her standards of piety at least at some point in my life. It is likely however that due to her mental maturity her piety is easier to upkeep than my sorely lacking in discipline self.

Posted by Kington at 6:28 AM (yeh I didn’t sleep very well back then)

 

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2009

Making Sacrifices

After a week of delay we met up last Friday because she was busy. And I forgot to turn up for the things she invited me for. Yet again since we weren't really sure what to talk about we relied heavily on the topic sheet for guidance. Although this time we ran off the focus of the main topic quite a lot. This time however I felt that the conversation ran in a way that we sort of didn't understand each other's religions that well. And it got a little confrontational because Christianity is a lot more permissive towards most things. And I think me saying it's ok to do some things might have rubbed her the wrong way. Yet somehow although it did get a little hot we never argued or anything out of sheer respect for one another. I've learnt how to be more tactful in conversational topics and about how to handle the more sensitive issues in a religion. Eventually when we started talking about the pure essence of faith itself and the basic teachings of religions it felt like we were discussing the same religion. I still do feel a little twinge of irritation when she says my Saviour is one of the manifestations of her deity. However I probably irritate her just as much when I mispronounce the name of her religion.

Posted by Kington at 3:51 PM

MONDAY, MARCH 16, 2009

Tolerance and Limits

The conversation went quite well although both of us were tired from the fairly stressful week. Although both of us had a bit of trouble explaining our tolerances especially with me not being too sure at all. Although I do get the feeling S was getting a little frustrated with me not being able to give proper responses at all. The topic sheet yet again worked well in pinpointing the technicalities of tolerance and fully laid out tolerance and it's limits much to my difficulty in explaining sadly. Well designed this one I must say. Although I think I gave a vague picture on my own religion being Christian and all that's not much to say but just point towards Jesus and His tolerance towards all things. Only problems I felt this time around was possibly S's irritation towards my answers which I myself felt were very poor as well. I truly felt that compared to her my knowledge in my own religion is rather shallow at that moment more than ever. I feel like I've walked away strengthened in my own faith because when I told S that I was having a bit of trouble with my own walk with God she told me not to give up and encouraged me. On the topic of tolerance I feel like I've gained new respect for her religion and her ability to cope with unsavoury characters. And I've seen the shortcomings in my own tolerance of people. I've also seen how much further along the tolerance chain I've actually come from years ago. And how slack I've been at upholding my own faith.

Posted by Kington at 2:49 PM

MONDAY, APRIL 6, 2009

Belonging to a Faith Community

It's been 2 weeks since the meeting but I did write the blog on paper much much earlier it's just I haven't had the chance to update any blogs at all for awhile.
The conversation went fairly quickly this time concise and organised mostly due to the topic sheet leading and guiding the way really clearly this time. The conversation was highly comparative this time around. And it felt different than the previously explorative nature of conversations. The book pretty much led the way this time clearly showing the direction required for the conversation so we pretty much knew the track well. This time however I had this feel that even though we've all got different religions it felt as if we all do things the same regardless and the things that really do separate us are just merely the little details and methods but not the actual religions themselves. I feel like it was time for me to grow a bit more resolve in going to church. As well as slightly disappointed that people of her faith seemed a bit more forgiving than the people in my home church all the way back in my homeland.
Sorry for the lateness on this blog but I really really couldn't help it.

Posted by Kington at 8:53 PM

Every time I call home

I’m full of expletives about my sister.

Sigh.

Demon Hunter revisted

It’s pretty dark here. Huh? Where are we going?…I’m leading the way…

Who’s with me?

On the right? She’s kinda short…Name?…Where did I meet her?…In a carpeted cabin?…

Oh the feed is up. Right! Right! that picture…it’s from facebook… Tiffany Wong?…weird. Ok the car passed but I didn’t see anything but the headlights. I’m dreaming.

Crossing the road. Not many cars in this world at this time of the night.

Red table? plastic chairs. Oh open air asian cafe/eat out spot/hangout spot.

Where’s the food? I’m hungry. Oh she’s drumming her fingers on the table. Impatient women. Sigh terrible to date.

She’s got a pretty face let’s take another look we’ve got such liberties in a dream anyway.

…Glass window? Where am I?

HUH?

Dark…Linen tablecloth with lace trim. There’s tea. She’s still here…

She starts talking. A waiter passes by. Oh I’m in England.

“what do you think of…..?”

“what’s next?”

“are you infuriated?”

“such is the way the world we craft and live in is.”

Strange normally my dreams are quiet. No one else really talks. Why is it suddenly so sedentary? So calm. Yet the discussion here is quite high level. It’s all Analyst talk. She’s asking a load of questions. High level stuff from the deep dossiers. Secrets of societies. Why is it all here?

Have I been drugged?

Green ward…Still green. No I’m at home. I’m asleep in my own bed…

What’s my mental activity levels? Red ward?

Waking?

I’m working as if I’m awake but…She’s still here. Who is she? She can’t be Tiffany. I’ve only met her once.

She’s smiling. Oh man this is creepy. I can’t see her face? It’s just shadow now…

The tea is steaming though. Maybe my mind is this active cause it’s filling in details?

She speaks again…

“So you’re back finally huh?. Awake? Oh you know you’re dreaming now even.”

She’s just smiling and nodding…It’s not safe here. Something is wrong.

Gotta wake up.

I’m stuck?

She’s leaning in close. Lips to my ear?

“I’m just here to say. I’ll be coming to Leeds to visit and see how you’re getting on.”

“I’ll welcome you then. You are always free to visit me whenever.”

“I will be coming. Definitely.”

Eh? I’m awake now…I forgot to turn off the lights before I went to sleep again.

“Give a demon a pathway and it’ll walk right in.”

Shit.

It’s found a way into Leeds.

Can’t have power without using power eh? Fine. Never really expected much rest on the job anyway but so soon. I’m ready for the challenge.

Hope is

Waking on a couch at someone else’s place feeling cold and tired but knowing there’s a prayer being said for me.

Thanks.

Friendship/love/being touched is

Knowing how little I tell you, but understanding you think about me enough to know more and find out more without pressuring.

Faith is

Slinging on the bag, putting on the shoes and walking out to where…I don’t know…But I know the Big Boss is calling me.

Determination is

In our litanies.

Woaaaaaaahhhhh AWwwwwwww

Courtesy of the baby panda!

It’s got 2 prongs

The left prong is more forward than the other I’m not sure why. I’m just pointing it at the skype screen hoping to use it. But I can’t maintain it.

Maybe I need to wait till I can get into physical range I guess.

More wait.

More wait.

Argh

I’m tired and close to tears. Ready to give up after all these years.

But yet I get the feeling.

That I’ll be at it again tomorrow.

Disappointment

Is it in you?

Or in me?

I guess in both of us. I thought you’d cross the line that would divide you from the rest.

I actually thought you did. But then again you didn’t have the will to stay.

What made me think to consider this? Probably desperation, maybe loneliness some might say.

Nothing has changed nonetheless. I need to stay off my throne for awhile just to get used to things.

It’s a tired game.

I’m tired of it.

But yet I can’t quit it yet. Addictive game that I’m not quite bored of yet.

I find the clarity in the calm of your inaction.

I find the disappointment in my misjudgement.

Why did I try to settle for less? Or why did I see you for more?

I’m not at a time and place where I need a partner yet anyway.

So I’ll hang in there and just relax.

Cause when it’s time to hire.

I know someone will be there with all the little itty bitty powers to spar with me one on one evenly.

But for now…I’m going to put on the shroud and move away for awhile.

I’m off to Tarbean.

Revisiting Death

Last time I saw this girl. I fell asleep behind the wheel. Nearly died that day.

That rainy day.

Oh geez. I’m worried now.

All aboard!

The old moral anchor!

Ah when I disappeared and put on the shroud. It was quiet enough that she didn’t notice.

Enough faith in her that she could smote a mountain.

Yet it feels so….How would you say touching that she didn’t judge when I told her of my journey past the shores of morality.

When the bell tolled today. Signalling our arrival. She was warm and friendly as usual.

The ever gracious princess.

And hearing her encourage me for war. Has suddenly put me at ease and confidence.

I’m gonna strap on the greaves and blades. And walk onto the shore.

Do you like snow?

The princess asked that question today.

Cheekily I replied.

“only when I’m walking in it with her.”

It was worth the “could you pleaseeeeeeee stop doing that” look.

Leviticus

You speak of an answer. But not the answer I want.

How do I proceed?

I’m sorry God. I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.

Iron Angels

Covered in rust. It’s hard to fly.

I remember when we were young. Still shiny and clear.

It was easy to fly and be pure.

Then the world’s tarnish came as we went out into it.

And it rained on us.

We are iron angels, black and red from the rust.

Coarse skinned from corrosion fuelled by our own blood, tears and the rain of the world.

We hit the ground. But we won’t break.

Rising again to wander the earth.

Because we are Iron Angels.

On second thought

Maybe it’s better if I bring the mask along.

Demon Killer

Making a living out of it sometimes you gotta slay the ones inside of you.

I’ve been using the attritive subterfuge strategies recently to let them wear each other out. But all those years of letting them duke it out…Has only made them stronger somehow.

But tomorrow I go off to face them. In a nurturing and open environment.

Who will flinch?

Who will crack?

Or will I successfully fire the glass cannon again?

Troubling times. Yet this hunger for a fight and confidence I’ll win…is all part of the pride of being…

 

A demon killer.

Oh how she has fallen silent

I miss her voice whispering in my ear.

Her soft chuckle. Her comforting voice.

Look here she says and gestures in directions tangent to my view.

“Turn quickly it’s coming.” She would say before the punchline.

We used to talk a lot.

Things got comfortable. She would wake me some days and talk to me all through breakfast, back when I thought malaysian mornings we’re cold. I would just mumble and grumble through the whole conversation.

Then when I got to college she used to whisper things only occasionally. Or on those long drives home we would just chat about idle things. The traffic. The weather you know that kinda stuff.

Then uni came and I had to wave goodbye to her. A huge chunk of me.

First year we talked rarely mostly when I was calm enough to listen.

Second year…She talked to me sometimes when I was drunk off my face.

Third year and I realise how much I miss her.

I need to go to the quiet places.

To hear her again.

With my glass and metal strapped firmly to my hand we’ll dance and hopefully we’ll understand each other again.

I have a sense of humour(I probably shouldn’t)

Ok it’s raining…Should I go?

If it’s above 10 haha I’ll go.

Oh wait. Let’s make it fun. Only if it’s 20 I’ll go.

I roll the dice.

………..

20

Alright. You’re the boss sir.

Weather coat on and a long walk through the rain.

God has a Sense of Humour

Well at least the crowd is appreciative.

Trudging through the spritzing rain being careful to not lean on the left foot so water would come up the breach.

All the while listening to Hark the Herons.

And then Canadian Heart comes on.

And a message gets punched through.

Heh. I smirk. I already know who it is. And we both have a laugh. Cheeky.

For Hire?

Not for this week apparently.

I’ve been hired. Hmmm.

This is funny. Last time she hired me was May. And that was remotely.

I failed though so I had to leave the job.

Before that was April. And wow did she wear me thin. The glass cannon actually cracked.

But I’ve been hired again this week. Hmmm. Meh. Payment not decided upon.

Ah Yes That’s Why I’ve Been Feeling Lonely

I told him I’ve got 600 minutes hahaha.

A great killer for those lonely moments. Spent 45 minutes chatting about our dossiers and it felt great.

Even the chill of the air disappears as we’re both laughing red and hard weaving in and out of jokes and old tales.

Lining it up with fresh tales.

And swapping experiences.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

MuteMath - "Forte" by Some Kind of Awesome