Thursday, March 18, 2010
But that would just sugar-coat how things are. Making it seem ok.
It's far from ok. I would lose my dignity by saying it's ok. It would be teaching her it's ok to do that to anyone. It would be an insult to all the frustration of everyone else. Wasting their concern. And a failure on my part to teach her to be better.
What do I do?
Fire the fireballs? Freeze the ice? Release the shadows? Tell my orchestra to play?
Or should I call and say "goodbye? see you in a month"? just to show there's no hard feelings? well there isn't much in the way of resentment because I refused to let myself be bathed in bitterness again.
But then again. There's no right answer to this situation I guess.
Differing perceptions of everyone on the problem. My assumptions on her reaction may be wrong. But one thing doesn't change. I have no expectations.
Just as the title of this blog.
Then Kevin comes back from jogging........
"Woah thats a lot of Picnic bars!"
"2.50£ for 10 at Morrison's!"
"Fair do's. Fair do's"
"Kevin you do know that it's not going to make me fat right?"
"Nothing is going to make you fat."
"Thats true. And also Fuck you!"
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I got up on Monday at 7.30. Realised I only slept about an hour. My room was sweltering even without me being in my duvet.
Tried to go back to sleep. But remembered the night before and felt like crap. So I beat my head against the bed and let the recoil rattle my brain for a mild concussion. *plop* back to sleep.
Didn’t last very long so I was up again pretty soon.
Stared about my room and still felt like crap. Remembered what happened the day before…went to my com and lo and behold my friend was online. Just the person I wanted to see. Feeling like crap, reeling from it all I asked for succor in the north. She said yes, so I packed my bags, loaded up my guitar and then realised I had a house viewing at 5.
So I waited, packed, took a shower, cleaned the room, moved some money about, prepared some paper pads, and decided not to speak for a few days. Nu-uh no talky. Just pen and paper.
Put on a shirt, put on a tie, attached the pad strapped on the winter shoes. And picked up my shit and went off.
Viewed the house. House was good.
And then I walked to the train station feeling like my burdens we’re slipping away. Guitar in 1 had. Bag on my back. What normally took 40 minutes only took 20 minutes to get to the train station.
I popped my card into the express ticket machine and tried to buy an anytime day pass. The machine rejected my card.
And I looked to the Heavens and said “please just let me go. I want to leave.”
Switched machines, got my ticket and left for the north.
I’ll tell you more about what I did where I went later.