Sunday, December 26, 2010

Revisiting Death

Last time I saw this girl. I fell asleep behind the wheel. Nearly died that day.

That rainy day.

Oh geez. I’m worried now.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

All aboard!

The old moral anchor!

Ah when I disappeared and put on the shroud. It was quiet enough that she didn’t notice.

Enough faith in her that she could smote a mountain.

Yet it feels so….How would you say touching that she didn’t judge when I told her of my journey past the shores of morality.

When the bell tolled today. Signalling our arrival. She was warm and friendly as usual.

The ever gracious princess.

And hearing her encourage me for war. Has suddenly put me at ease and confidence.

I’m gonna strap on the greaves and blades. And walk onto the shore.

Do you like snow?

The princess asked that question today.

Cheekily I replied.

“only when I’m walking in it with her.”

It was worth the “could you pleaseeeeeeee stop doing that” look.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


You speak of an answer. But not the answer I want.

How do I proceed?

I’m sorry God. I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Iron Angels

Covered in rust. It’s hard to fly.

I remember when we were young. Still shiny and clear.

It was easy to fly and be pure.

Then the world’s tarnish came as we went out into it.

And it rained on us.

We are iron angels, black and red from the rust.

Coarse skinned from corrosion fuelled by our own blood, tears and the rain of the world.

We hit the ground. But we won’t break.

Rising again to wander the earth.

Because we are Iron Angels.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

On second thought

Maybe it’s better if I bring the mask along.

Demon Killer

Making a living out of it sometimes you gotta slay the ones inside of you.

I’ve been using the attritive subterfuge strategies recently to let them wear each other out. But all those years of letting them duke it out…Has only made them stronger somehow.

But tomorrow I go off to face them. In a nurturing and open environment.

Who will flinch?

Who will crack?

Or will I successfully fire the glass cannon again?

Troubling times. Yet this hunger for a fight and confidence I’ll win…is all part of the pride of being…


A demon killer.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Oh how she has fallen silent

I miss her voice whispering in my ear.

Her soft chuckle. Her comforting voice.

Look here she says and gestures in directions tangent to my view.

“Turn quickly it’s coming.” She would say before the punchline.

We used to talk a lot.

Things got comfortable. She would wake me some days and talk to me all through breakfast, back when I thought malaysian mornings we’re cold. I would just mumble and grumble through the whole conversation.

Then when I got to college she used to whisper things only occasionally. Or on those long drives home we would just chat about idle things. The traffic. The weather you know that kinda stuff.

Then uni came and I had to wave goodbye to her. A huge chunk of me.

First year we talked rarely mostly when I was calm enough to listen.

Second year…She talked to me sometimes when I was drunk off my face.

Third year and I realise how much I miss her.

I need to go to the quiet places.

To hear her again.

With my glass and metal strapped firmly to my hand we’ll dance and hopefully we’ll understand each other again.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I have a sense of humour(I probably shouldn’t)

Ok it’s raining…Should I go?

If it’s above 10 haha I’ll go.

Oh wait. Let’s make it fun. Only if it’s 20 I’ll go.

I roll the dice.



Alright. You’re the boss sir.

Weather coat on and a long walk through the rain.

God has a Sense of Humour

Well at least the crowd is appreciative.

Trudging through the spritzing rain being careful to not lean on the left foot so water would come up the breach.

All the while listening to Hark the Herons.

And then Canadian Heart comes on.

And a message gets punched through.

Heh. I smirk. I already know who it is. And we both have a laugh. Cheeky.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

For Hire?

Not for this week apparently.

I’ve been hired. Hmmm.

This is funny. Last time she hired me was May. And that was remotely.

I failed though so I had to leave the job.

Before that was April. And wow did she wear me thin. The glass cannon actually cracked.

But I’ve been hired again this week. Hmmm. Meh. Payment not decided upon.

Ah Yes That’s Why I’ve Been Feeling Lonely

I told him I’ve got 600 minutes hahaha.

A great killer for those lonely moments. Spent 45 minutes chatting about our dossiers and it felt great.

Even the chill of the air disappears as we’re both laughing red and hard weaving in and out of jokes and old tales.

Lining it up with fresh tales.

And swapping experiences.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

MuteMath - "Forte" by Some Kind of Awesome

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Because She’s Seen the Ripples

And heard the effects.

Ran her hand through the water.

And heard the waves lapping on the shore.

I am afraid.

She knows my gold standard.

And how far I’ve fallen.

And I’m about to be measured.

Monday, November 1, 2010


“It feels like this year I’ve got so few friends. Like just Sonn and well you.”

Made me go awe. And chuckle when I woke up today. Hahaha thanks Van.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Forgot to Add

The random bleeding is back –_-

Friday, October 29, 2010

Yeh I got a book


Not too many pages though.



Or she might be swedish. Or hungarian.

Or a bear wrestler who says aboot not about.

With the motto of our department.

She’s probably imaginary in my case. Sigh.


Obnoxious behaviour: Check

Strange tricks: Check

Less that salubrious sleep: Check

Fidgety: Check

Rapid weight loss: Double check

Cornucopia of staggering mental ticks and oddities: Check? Oh triple check according to Paul. Ok Paul.

Aversion to normal things: Check

Awkwardness in certain human interactions: Check checkity check check

I need a holiday: Coming sunday! Boom baby.

Side note: Moving to paper for awhile till I sort my life out and find my railings. Pictures only for now I guess.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Simple Cut

I bled a little when I tore my thumb.

That hasn’t happened for over a decade. Is this an indicator of how vulnerable I’m becoming?

My iron grows softer?

I’ve got to raise the gates now.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Tricky Thread


Been changing a lot of guitar strings recently. Been changing a lot of things as well.

But what’s really scary is I can’t change this feeling. That something is going to happen. And I won’t have time to change it’s course but I’ll have to meet it head on and I’ll have to use my skills to fight it.

But I never like doing that.

I like having it like a slowly moving clay pigeon in the sky. I line it up. Draw a lead and fire my bullet so that the pigeon and my bullets line up at the right time.

But this one. I can’t tell what make of beast is it. It feels ominous.

I feel a little powerless to stop it.

And it scares me hard.DSC_2632What will it’s final shape look like?

Complex that’s for sure.

Convoluted multi-threaded, coiled, stiff, sharp.  DSC_2633

I hope I have the skills to tie it up.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

If Vidya was Here

She’d be calling me a masochist again D=

Monday, October 25, 2010

Yank the Crank

Been awfully cranky recently.


Picking fights with random people, inciting rage everywhere.

Just had a little fence with Kevin too.

Maybe I need a holiday.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fish Games

Awrighty then. Dead fish plays her games.

C’mon can’t spend the whole night figuring this out.

Let it out.

From the dark depths of the shelves the aide retrieves an Unraveller’s Head. Nodding he leaves us to it.

Surely this is overkill just for the games of 1 girl?

Well it’s Dead Fish’s game?

How are you Paul?

The head just blinks and deathstares.

I know what you wanna ask me. It’s boring jeeeeeezzzzzz all the information in the world, the power of a supercomputer, the understanding of sages, visions of the future all of it compiled in a format you can just ask and hear and you wanna know just that?

Welllllll it’s handy.

Genuinely I don’t think so.

I agree and I think the rest of us craftsman who can appreciate Paul for what he really is would agree that asking Paul this question wouldn’t be a waste of resources per se it is after all better than having Paul idling on a dusty shelf. But I would definitely say it’s a completely pointless question.

Thanks Emeveril.

Well I think there’s a point to this situation. Surely we wouldn’t be here if it was so straightforward honestly.

Take a drink and think about it.

2 layers up I go to fill my flagon and take another drink of chilly water.

2 layers back down.

I think we should ask Paul.

Honestly I don’t mind if you ask me. It’s a pretty lame question if you ask me. Get it?

Yea yea you tell the best jokes Paul. Well it’s cheating really. You shouldn’t ask Paul these questions.

I agree asking Paul is merely the easy way out you really should be up there digging up the answers with your other skills really.

Right ok. Sigh. But I have work to do.

Fine fine. This banter is time wasting as it is anyway. Alright Paul give him a hint at least.

Use facebook.


Seriously Paul?

I was sleeping till you woke me up.

Urgh. Thanks anyway.

The head laughs. I never really understood how just a head can laugh or even speak without a pair of lungs.


I don’t know. I can’t find anything.

Hmmm……Ok ok. What’s in the pictures?

Other women.

…………Use the Array please.

Ok ok. Uhhhh….Ahhhhh….uhmmm…

Seriously why are you in charge really? Sigh.

And then Paul whispers things. The deep understandings.

That was cheating!

Well it sure was but heck I just wanna go back to my shelf and catch some shut eye. You politicians can bicker about it when I’m back at rest.

We’re tacticians to you my good man.

I was a man now I’m just a head. So go suck on a weed and die.

He clucks his tongue and an aide comes by.

Are you done sir? With Paul that is.

Yes they are, well they should be. I think they’ve run out of pointless questions to ask me today.

The rest of us just nod and dismiss the aide.

See ya Paul. was nice talking to you for sure.

HA!? call me when you do have a problem.

And the aide carries him off.

Well that was cheating.

Who cares it’s settled. Now get back to work seriously.

And I answer the question.

Hit the Road Jack


Time to hit the road again. Kinda excited really. Being stuck in Leeds so long has been quite boring seriously. There was the weekend where I nipped off to Sheffield for a day. That was interesting. But it’s pretty hectic. My hair will be white soon again.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010



I finally told her what I had and I’m surprised. It didn’t scare her that much. Oh well….

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Yeh There Be Kitten in the House


I miss everything in this picture.

The silence.
The smiles.
The laughs.
The jokes.
The gossip.
The thoughts.
The discussions.
The allegories.
The curry.
The chicken.
The warmth.
The slightly greasy cutlery.
The banana.
The security.
The love.
The rice.
The tea.
The tables.
The chairs.

Our understanding.

Our friendship.



Something here he’s telling me I need to find.

Something I need to see.

I don’t understand it.

I guess it’s time to take her to St John’s.

String dat


Yep strings and clothes. Hanging from the ceiling.

Impressive no?

The Little Whispering


Never knew it could do that. Seriously.

I know I can use it to spitfire. But I never knew it had domestic uses.

A Simple Dinner


A lot of things happened that night I guess.

He learnt he can’t trust me. And not to believe me.

She learnt that she can’t reach me. And how high my walls are built.

Which makes it all awkward that everything is ok now.

It’s a me, Mervin!


Got myself a monkey to deal with the crazy stuff going on. And it came at a right time. It gave me the little steps in power to deal with the voices. Seriously. Godsend man.

Bonsoir Burchett Place


I packed all of that in a span of a few hours. Saying goodbye to 1 year of pain and suffering. Flying home to a beautiful summer. A good departure at least.

Extremely Excited


Frick yea. She’s coming. There’s no way to explain such deep joy but I’m gonna give it a shot.

Take a piece of white paper. Yea that’s me on a normal day.

Take a piece of black. Yea that’s me on a bad day.

I was having a black piece of paper in my hand for the whole freaking week till I got handed a note.

A freaking multicoloured happy note of joy telling me she’s coming. It made my day. My week.

Then I stopped sprouting white hair. Got on with life had a spring in my step. And stopped taking prozac. Heck yea.

Those are the cups ready for them to drink out of in the pic btw.

Amazing what news of a visit from an old friend will do for the ol’ mood swings.

Monday, October 18, 2010


The water is trickling off my calf onto the floor. An occasional spritz lands on my elbow.

She’s turning red. She’s more fearful than shocked. I can imagine her naked back must be picking up quite a few unwelcome splinters from the door frame grinding into her back.

As for the other she’s just standing there dumbstruck and afraid to move.

I look back to my left hand again. I’m lifting it higher without release.

She’s turning redder in the face.

My right shoulder feels wet as well but I can feel the water shifting with the tattoos coming to life. The ones on my calves are already up and running pushing the water aside gently. The shoulder’s is still creeping forward although it’s not really needed.

I feel heated with anger.

Yet still neither of them recall their modesty nor their responsibilities.

I’m tempted to end them right here, right now. The blade coming from my right hand is already stretching anyway. It’s a fuzzy mix of red and green. The standard colours of a magician’s blade.

Is it above my hand? Or is it below? It’s both above and below. And edging closer. It’ll be really simple to stab her in the head and it’ll all be over.

But something tells me I shouldn’t.

“Do you know what this means for us?! The bible tells us so as well! You should be ashamed of yourselves! His wrath will find us and burns us all! It won’t be the first time!”

And the blade gets shaper still. And yet I choke her harder.

I wake up. Aha….I guess I still don’t like her all that much.

Far South

We’re both retired but we both still keep the keys to our respective offices so it’s hilarious whenever we meet up to discuss the good old days. Or the ridiculous present.

Ah reality manipulators at our finest, bantering shamelessly about our near non-existent love lifes, the quality of our living conditions in our separate continents and most of all our drunk stories.

Long gone we’re the days we’re we did everything but mess with Planck’s constant and fiddled with gravity. Tickled the social collectiveness and understanding of a society.

The best trick some sucker ever did. Was to change the colour of the sky to grey for a whole year! In tropical climate even! Can you imagine blue grey skies in a tropical country?. Cheeky freak. No idea what happened to him though. Hope he didn’t get hunted and burnt at the stake or something.

But wow. Sure keeps me up at night trading stories. All of us feel like veterans a little scarred and worn in some bits trading stories of crazy bar fights that we barely got out of.

So when she popped up on MSN. Wooohoo. I had to go bother her.

She tells me she might date married men if she gets desperate enough.

I asked her even if they had kids.

She said maybe.

WOW. Just wow.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Orb and Head of Adjudicators

Disgusting drink I’ve got here. It tastes minty and yet somehow blatantly similar to grass that it’s like chewing on a mint…pasture shall we say.

She’s got ice cream. Wacky. Just wacky.

So we chatter on for awhile about idle things. She doesn’t ask all the basic questions even though this is more or less like our second time meeting in actuality.

The first time was when I had only just signed the papers. She reaped the benefits without knowing it.

This is the second and she’s just happy she doesn’t have to use a can opener to get inside me.

We discuss random things and every now and then she’d put her hand on my forearm reassuringly.

Odd. But meh maybe she’s just friendly.

We talk a bit more and she mentions something funny.

She justifies it.

Wait a minute.

That pattern of speech!

I speak the style of old and she reciprocates. She has a Revealer’s Orb! She’s an adjudicator. Oh crap.

She knew! She knew all along. Oh crap. This means she’s higher up. Not good.

…….Dang she’s my warden. To make sure I don’t get too harsh using the Head on my end.

Ah so I guess they do want me to adjudicate for others as well. Tricky stuff. Alright since it’s the next job.


He wants to know how I do what I do.
Ah he’s got some talent I guess. I could teach him. But I can barely remember how they did it when I was first crafted.

Maybe I should. Maybe I should. He saw it and asked for it.

I wonder if his body can take this…….Array.

Pop Smoke

Like a magician.

Hur alright alright. The road there’s a little tight sigh gonna probably have a massive jam on the way. Best to get there before 1 as well. Haven’t had much to eat besides a biscuit or so today. Dang.

Ok ok I should be taking her to lunch optimistically. So I can get my stomach sorted then.

Don’t be too sure.

Huh? ok…Let’s see how it goes anyway I’ve got enough energy tanked in for awhile anyway.

Slippers, shorts and a shirt. Surely this is called well dressed haha. Well better than how it used to be.

Ha…The guard wants to see some ID. Ok ok noted. Gotta park the car first.

Pop smoke boy.

smile+easy walk+stiffen the shoulders+confidence+1 subtle reality manipulation. Right cheers thank you very much my good sir I’ll just be seeing her thank you thank you alright let me go now.

She’s not at her desk. Probably grinding some souls right now probably. Let’s hop up a level I think she’s up there. Shroud on.

Aha there she is……Ok pop smoke again.


2 layers in.

She asks what I’ve done my life these past 2 years. Or so.

And she’s shocked. I didn’t do what anyone expected really I guess. She’s disappointed I’m still single.

She asks if what happened after I left. I tell her the stories of my travels and follies without travel.

I tell her of my death and rebirth.

I tell her of her voice in my head forever marking how my life happens.

I tell her of her advice whispering in my mind reminding how to be.

I tell her of her motivation and belief in me keeping me going.

And she chooses to be humble. Yet again I am amazed by her.

She recalls she needs to have lunch so I walk with her to the toilet. There isn’t much time anyway.

Turns out she brought a pack lunch. Crap. I might be screwed.

She expresses her disbelief at how I’m still single yet again. So I tell her what I’ve made myself and the road I’ve chosen to tread. And she tells me,

“You’re running out of time.”

I shrug and tell her something. And the orb on her end tells her I lied and there’s something in my murk.

She presses hard again. Sheesh was it always this hard to fight her?

I tell her about what I am now.

Yet another press. She calls the lie again.

I tell her about what I am to be.

She keeps the press but delivers the force with a gentle hand.

I tell her the part I have to play and the mask they demand I wear, the shackles they bind me with and the oaths of servitude etched on my flesh.

And she pauses enough just to consider what I’ve said. And she just says to go and get myself sorted and stop being stingy and hiding what I’ve got from the world.

I tell her about my part time teaching. She laughs and asks what I teach. I mutter stuff and she knows what part of her teaching I do now.

And then we get to the meat. She asks what do I see in my future. I tell her the probability factors. She says not enough. Ever demanding as usual the Madam. I tell her what I saw. Not enough. I tell her what I believe is yet to come postulated by my Unraveller’s Head confirmed by feverish dreams corroborating with the other predictive abilities, what has passed with backdated analysis of events along with where I used my hand and finally the present the detailed pick apart of the mess that is now and the choices and the impetus in motion of the present.

She ruminates on these things and she says,

“You’ve changed.”

We talk for a bit more digging deeper and she says,

“You didn’t change but I never knew you had this inside of you.”

Her shock and surprise is something I didn’t expect really. She taught me a big chunk of my skills so you can see why I expected her to know the scope and depth of my skills.

But I’m surprised her. Guess I got something unusual then.

Oh time is up.

I tell her I will be seeing her soon. And she says no.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Indeed it does.

She goes off back to her table.

Ah……a familiar face approaches.

Mask on and shroud up.

Back to it.

Crossing the Line Between Innuendo and Wrong

The Narrative. says:
yo kurt
my supervisor said to me
i get to play with a sex doll
Kurtwin says:
let me guess
vibrations lecturer?
The Narrative. says:
sounded wronger than i meant it to be
a heckalot wronger
Kurtwin says:
The Narrative. says:
not vibrations
he teaches medical engineering
so that sounds better
Kurtwin says:
wats a sex doll anyway?
The Narrative. says:
it's like
an anatomically correct doll
shall we say
Kurtwin says:
life size
The Narrative. says:
Kurtwin says:
wats ur project?
The Narrative. says:
it'd be wrong to have a child sized one...
it's about hip replacement patients getting hypothermia so i'm checking to see if the blankets really help
Kurtwin says:
yeap sounded way wronger man
nvr expected hypothermia research form 'get to play with a sex doll'
The Narrative. says:
Kurtwin says:
this ur fyp ?
The Narrative. says:
gotta fill in an ethics form
yea it's my fyp
Kurtwin says:
wa u 4th yr d
so afst wan
The Narrative. says:
i do 2 fyps
1 in my third year
1 in my 4th
Kurtwin says:
tats.. wa
The Narrative. says:
after you do it once
it gets easier mah
but lol
Kurtwin says:
The Narrative. says:
sex doll
Kurtwin says:
sex doll 'For Your Pleasure'
wa damn wrong
eh i go makan dinner first


Yea so basically. My project involves a blow up doll.

Awkward. Surgeons are gonna watch me experiment on it.

I’ve gotta study it’s structure.

I gotta stick my probe in it. I MEAN MY THERMOCOUPLE…I might have to do it by hand.

I hope I don’t have to stick my hand in.

I’m supposed to see how well I can keep it warm.


This could get worse. But i think I should stop here.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Is it ethical?

I’ve got……1 thievery request.

Dang. Not sure how I’m supposed to do this.

I need to get into the library south of town and duplicate something.

So I’ve got 3 choices I can ask Z to let me in. But I did dump her incredibly brutally.

I could ask for the number of Y to get in. But seeing as to the fact I’m basically doing something…..Unethical I doubt I’ll get anything that way either. I think Y’s timeframe here has expired as well.

I could sneak in……But I’m gonna need to do some smoke and mirrors just to make sure Z doesn’t spot me.

Or I could see if there’s any legal route in which I have to pay for.

But then again I gotta find the dang place first =/

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Smoke and Amber

Ah…The sun is setting on the distant hills.

Such a serene sight. Nostalgic. Been to them hills once alone wandered it in the bright summer sun. Walked the distances through the park exploring the neighbourhood.

No idea why I was there but I sure enjoyed it. Did wear my shoes down a bit sadly.

On the right they’re still discussing the finite details of the job. Post analysis. Mostly a formality.

Sunny day. My phones weather feed confirms it. After all that rain, the bright warm setting sun is very much welcome.

Heh everyone is still drying off their stuff on the radiators. That’s how wet today was. I was even soaked through my kevlars.

Ahhhh nevertheless that hot sun is some good sunshine. Vitamin E? or D? Not fussed at all. It’s just warm.

The window in the far corner of the room even lets the warm breeze in. A nice warm breeze the kind you get on the beach and it’s not too cold yet not too warm. Yet we’re not on the beach. The lack of a salty tang is quite the giveaway.

This table is of great height you could say as well. Lets me hang my feet off less than a foot off the ground but still high enough for me to swing my legs around like a piece of string caught in a breeze. Awesome kick feel for my wet jeans.

And for company…She’s here.

Dang I wish I could man up and talk to her.

Her back is to the wall feeling the warmth of the sunset and her mine is in the hills wandering far from this place.

I chew on a few lines I could toss her. But I swallow them anyway.

The moment is good enough on it’s own without me injecting any chaos.

But what would seal the deal I guess.

Is a smoke in my left. And some amber whisky in my right. And just being able to take a nap there and then.

Sunset as the backdrop. Her as the foreground. And a table I could take a stiff nap on. Feels good man.

But no amber. No smoke. And it’s time for me to go.


The wispy trail comes up from the cigarette in my hand. Mild7. Seriously? How’s this rolled up piece of hay even remotely mild? It tastes like the sole of my old travelling shoe. Yea the one that’s seen streets that smell worse than urinals made for the visually challenged. Last time I’m letting her buy the smokes. She’s got no taste. Even smoking rolled up pieces of banana crate would taste better. At least that would be fruity. No joke. The rising tendrils of smoke coil in the air. Looks poetic. Romantic even. Probably in some strange religion or cult they’re trying interpret what signs the smoke is forming. But I’m not here to discuss the significance of it.

That’s only cause I’m not sucking on that death stick. Smells bad. Tastes worse. Gimme a wriggley’s.

But heck. This amber in my left. It’s mighty fine. Cause it was me bringing it. No qualms there. Smooth. Oaky. Deep. Rich.
I shelled out big time for this. It’s not everyday that I get to see her. Or every year even. Suits the occasion. Celebration cause she’s here. And the alcohol in it is to help me get on with the fact that I have to see her anyway. Not gonna act all big and tell you I know much about whisky. I’m not here to swish my glass and sniff the notes and tell you where was it bottled or if it’s do re mi fa so la ti do. I’m here to tell you about the feel of the drink itself.

Mighty fine. Such a shame that the young miss on the other side of the table. Is blowing that donkey piss smoke at me. Maybe I should blow back.

The cool air is refreshing. Slightly humid though. But then again the humidity mingling with the cool air ain’t so bad compared to the recent heat wave. Up till a few hours ago before the sun set I was sure that if i chucked an egg at the sidewalk. It’d bloody cook and roll about becoming coal on the sidewalk. That hot. Yeah.

I exaggerate.

Shoot me so la ti do.

But none of it is too bad. It’s a special occasion anyway she’s here I guess. Been a little hard to yank her out of the pit so all is good anyway.

Once every 2 years eh? I guess it’s good enough reason to bring out the Amber and Smoke.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Insane Mit Circ

Well to be honest…Mit circ this year would be just zomgwtfhandywowow

But I’d have to get certified for it.

And I absolutely don’t want the pills.

I mean like. No no no. I’ve heard of the side effects. I’d just end up playing the horrifying wake,bake and shake.

Not good.

For all 3 of us!

Besides trying to function under the influence would be like stirring soup with your toes.

And probably not very eloquent.

Tincture free

Gotta stop myself from myself.

But without tinctures. Hur hur. Tough stuff.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Uhhh what happened there?

Did I just invite her back to my place?

Wait say what?


Wait what? what? What are you doing?

Huh Woi woi! WOI!

Oh shit shit shit shit. No no no no no no. Ok gotta deflect gotta deflect gotta deflect.


SHE’S EXPRESSING INTEREST? zomgwtfbbqmcqlasahgunpewpewpew




There’s no way I can avoid acting concerned after what happened there.

Sheeeeeeeeetttt. Shift gears. NOW. Like now.

No wait no. You gotta touch her you know?


YEA! Thats the normal thing to do lah!

Use sarcasm if you’re too scared.

Ok ok. That should work…..

Don’t think it worked smart ass.

I’m in the deep end here….

Yes you are.

Can you even hear us you knob end. If you don’t say anything she’ll come over tonight!

Right right. Gotta change the topic. Change the topic.

Whew ok. She’s going now.


She said she’s gonna hold me to the promise of coming over.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep shit.

Nein nein nein! you idiot! You’re on your own on this one. Good luck with your hermitancy studies this year.

He’s right bro. You’re screwed heh.

At least this might be interesting?…

If you’re lucky.


Ok ok she’s going gotta smile gotta smile. Ok good good. Whew. Time to look like smoke then and be wispy.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Name of the Wind and a Bible

If someone told me.

You’re gonna catch a life threatening disease and spend 10 odd days gasping for air and have a permanent fear of sleeping lying down. I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all.

The former has become eternally true but the latter comes and goes like a constantly travelling friend pulling into town on the odd weekend only to say hi and go. Cept he isn’t welcome. Well sorta.

Things have came and went pretty quickly in the past year. There we’re the ups and the downs. The ins and the outs. The surfs and the wipeouts.

Yet somehow it feels like it’s been ages since I cut the hospital tags off and removed the breathing tube. There’s no more stumbling and leaning against walls just to pee. I can jog for at least a half a kilometre now with the bloody hazy smell coming from my lungs.

I’ve bunny hopped in a plane across Europe. Playfully chased numerous skirts and failed miserably.(God forbid I succeed with such dismal effort) Made new friends in the north. Finally reversed the output of the translator in my head to be an active output. Driven to Melaka twice. Even saw the acoustic abjurer Andy Mckee. Met the supersara now upgraded to ubersupersara.

However I’m still walking around the forests with my medical issues. At least I’m not wheezing for air and slapping the “Call nurse” button while gasping for enough air to string a prayer together. Going from reading Name of the Wind during the day. And gripping my Bible day and night as a comforting plushie like a child with a teddy waiting for the nurse to wake me for my next pill in the morning and for the sun to set knowing that I survived another day. Only for night to fully set and my family to return home leaving me to battle sleep and my fear of it. Not so much the fear of it but the fear of not returning from it.

Every step was a shocker. Learning that I couldn’t gather enough energy to shower without feeling completely tired the whole day after that was one. The other was learning I might have paid the high sums and wages only never to use my skills and equipment.

Then I walked free. Fought the battle from my house. Drank the tinctures. Played Dead Space to kill time while waiting for more pills or drinks or summat just to carry on to recuperate. And then…I cleared to fly. And the world exploded. I met new people. I reorganised my mind. I met old people again on different levels. And learnt why I paid all those prices.

It’s been good development. I even saw Ms Chian without giving her too much to grumble over. (my lack of a partner seems to be a serious one though)(However I repeat, may I not succeed till I put my back into it.)

At least I’ve learnt not to be so cranky. To spring. When I step. To chin up when things look down. To be bathed in bitterness but get out and towel off. It’s all fine and dandy like the whispering wind muttering intelligible words in your ear and leaving quietly.

And now for my next trick. I’ll survive another year.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Jeez we’re all doing it nowadays.

I’ve even finally after all these years gotta write a paper on it this year.

Sigh sigh.

Quite amazing stuff is going down here.

Even had the ethical lecture today. Gotta talk to the faculty. The NHS. And the Special Licenses committee for the more…Deadly stuff.

Even Christian’s paper got published. With a direct quote off me in there. A little shy now that my words are circulating in the academic community a bit more.

But sigh. I wish ethics played a bigger role back home. Being a statistic for a failed sample is really really sucky.

They shoulda had the consent forms out…


But when you get spawned out. You really don’t have much time to sign anything anyway sigh.

Are you wet? Just a bit…

That’s a terrible din. Gosh it’s cold out. Maybe if I just curl up in my duvet a bit more…

Wait a sec.

What time is it?

Where’s that on button. Slide to unlock…Ok… It’s 10.10.

Ah 5 more minutes.

HOLD ON BACK UP BACK UP. URGH. I need to shower.

Sigh. Obliged to shower on first day social meeting with prospective employer. Sigh sigh.

I need to shave. Sheesh haven’t had the time to do that recently. Don’t have the time now either.

I’m probably gonna be late today. And it’s my first day on this new commission. Sigh.

Gotta pick up the pace. Scrub faster. Wash faster. Yea yea. Ok good good.


Hmm sports shoes? Nah today is time for some kevlar. Oh yea…

Tch lousy rain. Parka up? Nah. I’m late and I’ve locked the door there’s no point going back to get it.


OMIGOSH IT’S POURING…Did my stomach just rumble? Shiet. Zomgzomgzomg first day! This can’t be good! Crappppp.

Ok ok gotta jog a bit…WHO AM I KIDDING I’VE ONLY GOT 10 MINS LEFT.

Shit just got seriously serious.

Ugh…Crap did the world just spin a bit there?…Still gotta run. Dang best not to overdo it. Crashing out on the first day would be embarrassing.


Seriously british weather. reliably wet. ALL YEAR.


Left? NO NO NO right you idiot. In the direction of the hospital.

Freaking rain. I’m half wet now.

Wish I brought an umbrella from the tropical rainstorm back home.

Closer…5 mins.


I’ve got 3 mins to go…

Pick up the scent. I’m near enough. Let’s see scroll scroll…No no no not Vania’s perfume. Looking for the mountain woman’s scent.

Stupid rain. Too much of it going around can’t even smell nuts.

…Hey wait a sec! Issat her over there?!

………Breathe it in…


Wrong legs anyway. Hers are in a different proportion.

okok turn left here.

Up up. Run boy run.


Wooden doors. Right coordinates.

Shit is this place even open. Dang as if she would wait for me outside in this rain when I’m late.

Quick go in…


There she is. 3 green books. Alas she wasn’t expecting me. Oh well.

…..Is that incense? Hur weird.

Ah…gotta around that guy.

Excuse me. Yea point ok show him you wanna go in. okok


Hey. Sorry.

It’s ok. Are you wet?


Just a bit. Not much.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Truth Theory

I had to give her some truth.

But I had none in hand.


I probably had about 1 minute before my response would be considered slow.


Things we’re running hot.


So I turned to the Unraveller’s Head.


Tell her his story it said.


So I weave a tale. Grounded in assumptions of hardship to give perceptions of difficulty.

Very much the opposite of crafting a fairytale. But same in it’s methods.

For without truth or an assumption of truth. The beliefs and the happiness based off them will crumble.

Her bastions would fall and her cause will crumble. “Not yet” the Head says again with a quiet chuckle. “we still need her in such places connected to such people” I nod understandingly. “when the time is right we temper but for now we quench.”

Weaving the truth with a lie. The probabilities with the possibilities. Feeding her an assumption. To form a perception.

The very basis of this tech.

Lies in both the lay up and the finish.

And I settle it.

So it’s kinda embarrassing that the Head on her end realises the next day and says.

“He lied.”

But she doesn’t mind.


She begged me to do this. To burn a future burn a past and run my soul under a knife dragged by my own hand.

To pay it all. Like selling my soul to gain strange and dark powers just to throw a fireball at an ant.

Because there isn’t a choice. Yet there are.

But all choices have different tolls at different points on the road.

The enemy is my own kith and kin undermining my authority and power without any bearing of faith to the Lord I serve.

Warring despicable actions with the grim unyielding fire of my heretical abilities moulded and restricted by divine guidance.

I’ve paid the high price burning dreams, severing ties, months of isolation, butchering the soul, poisoning the mind and modifying the body.

Even higher is the collective sum levied on those who had to watch as I did it all. And none more so that she who summoned me to rise to this and see me pay with the very thing we’re fighting for.

Now the trouble comes.

He Translates I Listen

She twirls her fingers over the sticks laid out on the table. Gesturing that she wants to settle her bill.

I look at her and ask her,

“Are you guys leaving?”


Internally I shout to him.


“Ah oh oh take a seat first.”

So I sit down.

Her sticks are arranged for the man to come and take count. And then she says to me.


Back to the tag team.

“what did she say?”

“haven’t a freaking clue man. Not a clue at all!”

Out loud.

“Uhh I’m not from around here. And I can’t speak mandarin.”

“Oh. I was saying we’re in a rush and it would be great if you could pay for us first.” She laughs at saying it.

And from the inside he shouts. “Bite her head off boy!”

Smiling I say, “only if I get to have your number.” And I raise an eyebrow cockily.

“Nah you wouldn’t want it.”

“hahahah where can lidat??”

No number. Sigh.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Seriously. Try not to laugh. It’s night impossible.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Bad Doctor Baddddd

You could have at least mentioned how much you bled me out bro.

Like seriously.

C’mon you’re mad expensive. And hey I bleed a lot I know that.

But you coulda mention I’ve lost quite the fascinating amount of blood. The kinda amount that you know you run the tap on for an hour and you go “oh gee thats a lot”

So now you’ve left me. Short on blood. Short on mouth chewing capabilities leaving me with most of my daily diet processed to the point it could fit through a really tiny straw.

I’ve lost more than I had hocking up great red gobs of lung. And wow gee golly does the world sure spin.

I’m stuck on gruel. And wow that really really cuts short the blood sugar levels man.

With any luck. I won’t pass out when I go bother people next week.


PS. I hate fish porridge too.

PSS. your stitches are coming undone. –_-

Third With 2 To Go

2 to the flight.

And the curiosity sets in.

Will she call.

Or will she leave?

And will I slumber?

And miss the treatise.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

6 teeth short

I’ve got no fangs.

and I’ve just had 2 wisdom teeth taken out.

2 more wisdom teeth to go too.


Friday, August 13, 2010

Here’s a jab at whats next

“what are you doing tonight?”

“I’ve got a date. Why?”

“Wanna go out?”

“haha no I’d have to blow him off and that wouldn’t be very nice. What did you have planned?”

“Was about to ask you if you wanted to go eat fish?”

“But you hate fish? Have you grown a liking for it in your time away?”

“Once you hate fish you’ll always hate it but…it’s my way of saying I’m serious.”

“Haha alright fish it is fish it is. Come get me at half 6.”

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Mid morning dreams of Elaine.

They wake me with a shattering thought.

Always brought back to lucid reality only to blink at the spinning fan above me.

Things…are vivid.

The disappointment is…harsh.

I’m still wandering around searching for her.

And yet still as the days go by I’m certain I’ll never even glimpse her shadow.

Nonetheless the realism of my slowly anchored expectations do not mellow the bitter tang felt so many times before.

The ache of longing is gone.

But the feeling of missing her remains.


My Elaine.

Wards wards wards

Single prong prediction wards.

Inaccurate. And only works once. Prone to producing multiple readings.

Double prong fear wards.

Can be mounted onto fabric both material and immaterial. Can be cantered forward and backwards on seperate prongs.

Great wards.

Painted in blood. Spans a city. Turns it into a red zone. But is cyclic and harmful to the owner. Prolonged use will burn.

Heat ward.

Irremovable. Flesh only mount.

Smoke ward.

Only to unknown flesh.

Eld ward.

Circular absorption and return of energy. Will fry conduits. Head only mount.

White ward.

No mount required. Burns with every err. Upon breaking rank consumes mount.

Magician’s ward.

Persistent energy feed both in and out forcing template.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Applying What I Know


Life’s truths.

pikom pc fair 2009 (II) babe_04

To that.

If she’s nice….She’s an idiot.

If she’s smart…She’s annoying(bitch).

*mixes in hunting tools*


Idiot. Sigh.

Well the alternative was that if she was both nice and smart…She’d only date assholes.

But then again according to Xin Huei I’d have the advantage there…

But Bird says I still have the advantage cause idiots are soft targets…

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Red * Black

She wants to touch you…?

She wants you to touch her.

Nay she had her chance.

But can’t you see it makes her sad?

I see your pain.

She’s alone in her world.

Yet so are you.

But I have endured.



She deserves nothing I say surely. Because she doesn’t compare to History.

Be merciful. Do no harsh turns.

Harden the lines in your warding.

She deserves nothing.

She was…

Mean, manipulative and possibly malicious.

True dat.

But who are we to judge?

Certainly not God.

For all our powers held.


And I agree.

Yet everyone deserves love.

And we deserve nothing either.

But yet He gave it all for us. Before He even made us.

Be like Christ.


I choose to forgive.

But never forgive and forget.

I raise my bulwarks and parapets.

For I shall never do without my castle anymore.

And forever on my throne.


And things disappear into the red and black.

The haze of rage.





If it we’re me I think I would’ve given in to her man. I’m impressed.

And yet I am ashamed cause it was anger that kept me pure.

Even God gets angry you know?

I think I’ve been angry far too long.

And in that case my purity and dedication to it should have sufficed.


Spectre spectre

Take me apart,

So I can put the pieces back together,

Realinging my wards,

So that they aim higher,

Pointing to the firmament of heaven,

So that I may no longer slither on Earth.

The new environment,

was chosen,

Because I was sure I had long gotten,

over her,

Yet learning,

By experiencing,

My own inability to resume mastery,

Of all pertaining,





I feel small and defeated,

This is not what he wanted.

Talking to him.

And hearing the Wise speak.

Remind me,

Why I chose this path.



The next fight,

Begins soon.

1 for my soul.

1 for my song.

1 for my magic.

1 for my inheritance.

Another for my destiny.

without ever taking a breather,

fighting the fight for my life,

and my faith to carry on.

And if I lose,

I promise to go into exile,

from the world I know,

to where my end will be.

quietly gone,

to where




Alone in exile.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Bitter humour

As the consensus goes.

El bandito tuberculio bascillio

Would have actually been a merciful way to die.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Warding failures

My hair is turning white and I managed to break my foot.

Needs some fixing.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Did you learn that in England?

Why yes I did, good sir.

The art of proper argument. The examination of facts, opinions, eyewitness accounts and the synthesis of a rational and reasoned argument without leaning on any fallacies.

So yes, I do have a bit of fang to me. Not exactly all rabbit herbivore here. No siree.

We’re talking proper gnawing her not rumination. I’ll bite back.

Which probably explains why I’m getting the cold shoulder so much from well……I’ll decline to mention but well there’s a blood bond to say the least.

Can’t really lean over me when I’ve studied how and what it takes the cut the supports out. Especially since I’m not really submissive to unreasonable demands.

So I kicked. With a fang and I didn’t chip the tooth either really.

Maybe the lass is too used to being agreed with all day long while I’ve been gone. But ah she’s as quiet as a clam now.


Pardon The Strokes They’re a Little Rusty


Yet again.

After 2 years of being for the most of it inconsequential, effervescent and generally as available as the precise amount of change for the bill you’re paying.

It’s still annoying how spiteful some people are towards my presence.(like waking up to find out someone else has eaten the rest of your cereal)

No wait let me fix that. Not my presence per se. But her presence in my company.

As my bud who turned up just to watch the horn locking.

“eh no ***** things are ok eh? sore no show to watch”

“WOW LOLOLOL after she call….LOLOLOL”

Yeap that’s annoying. Like oh come on. You can’t get anywhere so stop poking at me. I’ve forgotten how to smack you hard enough to make you run away but don’t make me attempt to recollect the proper methodology.

Tune in to channel 805 and you might observe the reason why I’m still in contact with her. It’s cause I don’t spend all my time making fun of people. And I never ever ever harp on her relationship status.

I’m not even sure why you’re jealous really. I’m not getting any. And I’m certainly not searching for doubloons. So move along sir there’s really nothing to see.

So scoot along little doggy. My strokes aren’t clean anymore. But I’m still pretty good at aiming the flyswatter.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Fingers around the palm

It’s been awhile since I’ve actually seen him.

It’s been a long separation when I resumed isolation.

But ah we’re all related anyway.

We shake our hands.

The right hands.

Which will sign the fate of hundreds.

But for now we’re just young adults.

Still watching, still learning.

But fate has marked us to lead the way.

Even if we choose to or not.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Now don’t get me wrong….

[6/29/2010 7:39:39 PM] Vania Tan: haha
[6/29/2010 7:39:40 PM] Vania Tan: yes
[6/29/2010 7:39:42 PM] Vania Tan: please
[6/29/2010 7:39:47 PM] Vania Tan: thats the other reason why im not caling now
[6/29/2010 7:39:53 PM] Vania Tan: cause the number is downstairs
[6/29/2010 7:40:06 PM] Kington Lee: -_-
[6/29/2010 7:40:12 PM] Kington Lee: go climb down the stairs
[6/29/2010 7:40:15 PM] Kington Lee: will help you get fit
[6/29/2010 7:40:24 PM] Vania Tan: oii
[6/29/2010 7:40:37 PM] Kington Lee: i'm not saying you're not hot
[6/29/2010 7:40:45 PM] Kington Lee: i'm just saying....
[6/29/2010 7:40:49 PM] Kington Lee: you could use more stamina?
[6/29/2010 7:41:01 PM] Vania Tan: im not saying i think u think im not
[6/29/2010 7:41:02 PM] Vania Tan: LOL
[6/29/2010 7:41:11 PM] Vania Tan: jsut give me the number

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Mastah of disguise

In the office there’s a technicality.

I can’t really be spotted dicking around. And the only thing that really comes close to looking like working for my screen is blogging or computer maintenance hence I’m bored.

Maybe studying is acceptable?

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Crissaegrim speaks Vol.1

Crissaegrim says:
ah well
gg la
Fish bone. says:
gg already?
quite quick
Crissaegrim says:
yea her response rate
has been steadily dropping
no repsonse
i shud prob throw some alc down the gullet
Fish bone. says:
increase bravery
Crissaegrim says:
helps me sleep without needing to cry


Fish bone. says:
dang sad
dead fish skype called
and my grandma interviewed her
Crissaegrim says:
ur grandma!
Crissaegrim says:
Fish bone. says:
my grandma
you've felt the stinger

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Curse of the Vania Audiotary Hallucination

“How about that girl?”

“I’d rather date a sock monkey.”

“huh? a salt monkey?"

“no, no I said sock monkey heh” *mental image of a monkey statue made out of salt*

“Ohhh I sorta imagined monkeys holding assault rifles.” (Thought he’d heard assault monkeys.)


*nodding off to sleep* *sees a truck full of pigs pass by*

I want to be a butcher.

*stares at her* “say wha? you want to be a butcher?”

“noooo I want to take a picture!”

Curse of the Vania Audiotary Hallucination

“How about that girl?”

“I’d rather date a sock monkey.”

“huh? a salt monkey?"

“no, no I said sock monkey heh” *mental image of a monkey statue made out of salt*

“Ohhh I sorta imagined monkeys holding assault rifles.” (Thought he’d heard assault monkeys.)


*nodding off to sleep* *sees a truck full of pigs pass by*

I want to be a butcher.

*stares at her* “say wha? you want to be a butcher?”

“noooo I want to take a picture!”

Tough going


Before I left UK I made sure I got in some winter adaptations like a bit more heat insulator in all the right places,(jeans got a little tighter for that)(still no weight gain though =( ), more stamina, increased some heat retention, heat outputs and stuff like that.

But now I’m not exactly going to Australia in the winter…So I pretty much cook inside my shirt and shorts on a cool day and the saga(furnace car) has me as crispy as crackling.

With any luck maybe I won’t evaporate before the Australian kids come back from their exchange.

Tough going ahead.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Teh-O ais panas

I wonder if he was joking.

Waiter: Minum apa?

Thim Weng: Ada cham tak?

Waiter: Ada.

Thim Weng: Ok bagi saya satu.

Waiter: *turns to me* kamu?

Me: Teh-o-ais.

Waiter: *turns back to Thim Weng* Itu cham nak panas tak?

Thim Weng: ah ok itu cham panas

Waiter: *turns to me again* Itu teh-o-ais nak panas tak?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pretty flower



I use it not to tell what time it is. But to run a countdown.

2 more years to go!

Who said I don’t think about you lah? It always rides shotgun with me in my bag when I travel.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Ever wanted a walk in cupboard?



LOL yes those are strings hanging from my ceiling.

Yes those are train tickets plastered over the side of my cupboard.



Yeh all the cards and well wishes I got over these past few years are hanging from the strings. =D

Yea not many people have given me cards over these past few years =(

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Packing is annoying

But more so…..

When your room is so small you have to bring all the stuff from your room down into the living room to pack.

Seriously. This sucks.

It’s so bad I haven’t even packed my luggage. And my luggage bag when I chucked in all the stuff that’s been requested from home…it’s already half full! Like WOI! where am I supposed to put my clothes???

Rainy days

Rainy days and departures had me craving for some good old Heart of Hearts.

It’s post rock btw.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


In the morning.

Walking back in the rain at half 9 in the morning with no one around.

It’s just right.

For morgonpromenad by zxyzxy

“morning walk”

Been 2 whole days since I’ve used my own bed at night. Maybe tonight I’ll get some proper sleep in it.



This is something I got kevin while I was in Hungary.


(second bottle from the right at the back)


Whats that?


Well basically they grow these grapes in Hungary and they infect the whole crop with bacteria…..


*interrupts* Hold on Kington. You’re basic explanation has been as like this, “have you ever had the flu?”


Tokaji Azsu. You’re hereby nicknamed flu.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Is it halal?


Serena I think the burgers are beef!!


*runs away to check* No it isn’t it’s chicken.


You very sure? it’s got the colour of beef!


*checks again* yea it’s chicken the box definitely says so.

-10 mins later-


Is the chicken halal?


Very halal so halal we kept it in a pot where no pork has ever been cooked before.


I bet you wanna stab me in the kidney with the satay stick now.


I’m thinking about it.

-5 mins later-


Is the marshmallows halal??


*rolls eyes* YES! we got them from marwa.



*grunts from removing belt from jeans going into the laundry* Yes it takes a lot of effort to remove the belt from my jeans.


Yea probably cause you have to thread it around so much circumference.*runs away*


I was about to punch you in the back.

Monday, May 31, 2010

I only Desire you!

=D indeed I do.

DSC_2588 DSC_2590

I can’t think of a function this phone doesn’t have. Yet.


Badabing badaboom!

Greetings and salutations from the glorious people’s republic of 5 Burchett Place


All is well on this end with things wrapping up for this year. I’m beginning to pack up stuff to leave home and to place into storage.


However for you folk I’m redoing some of my older writing. In the mean time till something cheeky comes up.


Note: Above picture isn’t me. That’s Kevin after a long day at work. Yes that’s a comb under his nose.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Whats coming up next?

It’s the holiday season. Well sorta. But first I’ve gotta go into natwest and make batty eyes at the staff to get a new bond going. =/

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Is she hot?

I’ve got a girlfriend! Or so I’ve been told. Can’t wait to find out if she’s hot!

According to reports she’s my third girlfriend too.

Things get more and more amazing each day =D


Maybe there’s another Kington out there generating all this news would like to meet him and swap places.

Monday, May 17, 2010

How did you do that?...

Chris: How did you do that question? the one...
Elliot: I didn't.
Chris: What do you mean by that? I haven't told you which question yet.
Elliot: Well I probably don't know the answer to the question you're asking. It was that bad.


Reverse manometers you evil evil evil thing!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Conservative- Liberal Democrat coalition

The UK now has a Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition leading the country.

A ConDem party.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Without pain


The phone rings and I glance around to look for it to silence it. It’s 8 and the first alarm is ringing.

Blinking I remembered the dream. I was angry and it wasn’t the usual angry I was annoyed.

Cause I lacked time.

But the dream was nice in it’s own way. I was hanging out with you again.

I hope I can come in July.

And we can meet again. Cause when this picture was taken I was having a reaction to my medication and I was actually in a lot of pain.

I really hope I can meet you this time. Without pain.

I miss you.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


“Why is there a disco ball?”

“Well supposedly when children are younger they can’t see the shapes too clearly so the disco ball casting it’s colours around the room distracts them.”


*silence for 5 minutes*

“you ok back there?”

“huh? what? yea…..trippy…..”

Too much wine!


We can’t seem to finish all of it! There’s 8 bottles to go =/

Can’t really complain though I only paid 7 pounds for all of them. Got them off an online auction.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

I remember this as the soldier’s psalm. How everyone used to recite it in their foxholes waiting for the volley’s to end before leaping out to take their shots.

Those gritty sweaty palms as they gripped their rifles. The air exploding with splinters of wood and stone chips as they whiz by.

But even in that cacophony you could hear the stillness and the silence.

Of soldiers praying Psalm 23.

I guess my call has come to go and work.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dying isn’t fun

But living is so much harder.


But fo’ sure I know which one is more worth it!

Lead me in O’ Lord. My Light in the dark even as my eyes grow dim. You help me find my way. I have no fear for you made me that way. I bare my fangs at my enemies with defiant eyes, challenging them to oppose me.

You make it all possible King of Heaven.

May the banners flown on my parapets be forever Yours.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Prof Levesley

Amazing man.

Today he told us about how UCL had this vibrational apparatus set up for students from other unis to play with remotely through the internet.

When he found out he went over to their website and had a fiddle with it. Then he had an idea all academic engineers get when fiddling with stuff.

“How do I break it?”

After doing the necessary calculations he plugged in his values into the machine and told it to do so and so. Shortly after it went offline….

Good man!


(for you science students out there…He told the vibrating beam to vibrate at it’s natural frequency)(For you fellas who remember a bit of your high school physics…It creates resonance and causes the beam to vibrate massively breaking shit)(in a nutshell)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Red and Black

Red and Black.

Red and Black.

Red eyes and Black hands.


Not much longer till exams.

Time to revisit the Red and the Black.

I broke my laptop+phone recently

Nothing out of the ordinary there. But I did get my warranty to work for me so all is good am typing on it now.

Although while it was dead it couldn’t even turn itself on.

While doing diagnostics with Dell over the phone this is what happened….


“Pull out the power cable, remove the battery then press and hold the power button for 10 seconds please”

“Ok just give me a sec” *flips laptop and removes power cable*(battery wasn’t in anyway)

*after 5 seconds*“EH IT TURNED ON!!!”

"Ha wha? Really?”

Nope I was just pulling your leg. I took out the batteries and disconnected the power cable man.”

“Thats what I thought too! Without any power source in you wouldn’t be able to turn it on.”

“heh I knew that would get you.”


On  a side note. There’s no warranty on my phone =(

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Spoils of war


Eurotrip Easter 2010 was fun. But now I’m knee deep in work. And it’s all due next week. I’m just a week bit stuck.

Since everything is a little obvious what it is i’ll only explain the stranger things. The 2 silver bags top left are from betjeman &barton Amsterdam’s branch. Tea of course.(lavender and earl grey) the checkered wrapped thing in front of it is Dutch old gin. Candy in the bag in front of it sitting on top of recipes from Albert Hejn. The center is a bottle of Swiss wine. On the right on top of the newspaper(which is the newsletter for university of Geneva) the small paper wrapped thing is chocolate truffles. The red box is Stattler slab chocolate(get jealous ladies). 5 bottles in the back from left to right. Dreher24(non alcoholic whoops), Hungarian fruit brandy, Tokaji Azsu(a special infected grape hungarian wine), Kalinka vodka(cheaper than pennies but makes smirnoff and any vodka readily available in uk taste like kerosene) and the last bottle in front….The lady said


“But I’m buying to collect!”

“Oh ok then as long as you don’t drink it. Very horrible!”

Also Marks and Spencer cut flowers fragrance is giving me a headache.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

She's probably right

Don't forgive but forget.

But that would just sugar-coat how things are. Making it seem ok.

It's far from ok. I would lose my dignity by saying it's ok. It would be teaching her it's ok to do that to anyone. It would be an insult to all the frustration of everyone else. Wasting their concern. And a failure on my part to teach her to be better.

What do I do?

Fire the fireballs? Freeze the ice? Release the shadows? Tell my orchestra to play?

Or should I call and say "goodbye? see you in a month"? just to show there's no hard feelings? well there isn't much in the way of resentment because I refused to let myself be bathed in bitterness again.

But then again. There's no right answer to this situation I guess.

Differing perceptions of everyone on the problem. My assumptions on her reaction may be wrong. But one thing doesn't change. I have no expectations.

Just as the title of this blog.

Picnic bars

I walked in with 30 picnic bars and just piled them on the couch.

Then Kevin comes back from jogging........

"Woah thats a lot of Picnic bars!"
"2.50£ for 10 at Morrison's!"
"Fair do's. Fair do's"
"Kevin you do know that it's not going to make me fat right?"
"Nothing is going to make you fat."
"Unlike you."
"Thats true. And also Fuck you!"

Monday, March 15, 2010


catch more of it there!


Should I forgive or no? Sigh. Troublesome. Meeting the fellow on wednesday too.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


I’m pushed for time. ATM I’m about 60% made out of flesh and blood. The other 40% is RedBull.






*PSHHHT* *Opens another*.



Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Cause I really hate doing lab reports. Chiefly cause I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.

Last week.

I got up on Monday at 7.30. Realised I only slept about an hour. My room was sweltering even without me being in my duvet.

Tried to go back to sleep. But remembered the night before and felt like crap. So I beat my head against the bed and let the recoil rattle my brain for a mild concussion. *plop* back to sleep.

Didn’t last very long so I was up again pretty soon.

Stared about my room and still felt like crap. Remembered what happened the day before…went to my com and lo and behold my friend was online. Just the person I wanted to see. Feeling like crap, reeling from it all I asked for succor in the north. She said yes, so I packed my bags, loaded up my guitar and then realised I had a house viewing at 5.

So I waited, packed, took a shower, cleaned the room, moved some money about, prepared some paper pads, and decided not to speak for a few days. Nu-uh no talky. Just pen and paper.

Put on a shirt, put on a tie, attached the pad strapped on the winter shoes. And picked up my shit and went off.

Viewed the house. House was good.

And then I walked to the train station feeling like my burdens we’re slipping away. Guitar in 1 had. Bag on my back. What normally took 40 minutes only took 20 minutes to get to the train station.

I popped my card into the express ticket machine and tried to buy an anytime day pass. The machine rejected my card.

And I looked to the Heavens and said “please just let me go. I want to leave.”

Switched machines, got my ticket and left for the north.

I’ll tell you more about what I did where I went later.






Sunday, February 28, 2010

I’ve got my house for next year






Been hearing it in my head for a whole 2 weeks! And I’m not even sick of it yet!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Bitter poetry

the words of a wounded heart
poetic touching acerbic bitter and mournful altogether



i'm like a tragic clown
giving laughs
but drowned in his own sorrow


Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sunday, February 7, 2010

He films the clouds

Sigh sigh.

How did I ever wind up here on the 8th of February? Sigh sigh I’m not quite sure either. All these liver slices in my pie. Blegh. Peas.

There’s some speed dating happening on saturday. I’m not really sure if I actually want to go for it. But if I do it’s probably just to practice my stand up comedy.

all for the fun of it really

But then again. The problems on my plate are swinging low to catch me in my scrotum like a low hammer swing.

Hup. Watching dodge!

On a side note. Methinks taking this little dolly to church would be crazy funny.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Modulation crash

Perception: Hormones and the state of chemistry is all a possibility. It’s all a state of emotion.

Assumption: The chemical settings can be controlled.


Whoops no caffeine. Fail.


Emo today. *face down* *rolls on table*


Another late night inbound!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

I'd rather be talking to you till it's time to take my Rifinah than staying up doing my lab report.

Because I don’t like the tedium of writing them.

Not cause I like you or anything like that.

Or cause I can’t wait to take my Rifinah.

Cause it tastes like sugar. 8D

But no but yea.

I made lemonade today.

I really like my glass bottled 8DDDD

Friday, January 29, 2010

“Got any formula sheets?”

I was pumped.

Hoo yeah. I’ve only had 2 days of studying but I knew I would do at least pretty ok in this test.

I want my first class man.

2 Days of chemical alterations. Oh yeah.

I’m ready.

Laid of the tattoos for a few days.

I’m ready.

Stayed up till 4 ignoring illness and possibly fever.

Oh yeah! I’m soooo ready!

Made it there whipped out my notes to read about the Wronskian method. Put it back in stuck my hand in my bag to pull out my pens….

And then Chris says “got any formula sheets?”

Lecturer goes “OH SHEET” in his mind.

1 More week to revise for the test.

Friday, January 22, 2010

And we took an oath

Not to bleed.

Not to die.

Not to feel.

But to sing and look high. Marching on looking for tomorrow.

All of us agreed. All but one of us should sleep. Never to wake again. to find our centre.

We’d string along our fires. And knot the greatcoat onto the one who would endure it all, with the ribbon of fire.

We wished him well as we said our goodbyes while he packed his bags.

The silence of our sleep meant that for once he’d be truly alone with none left but our great God in the heavens to look to.

And we shot him over to a frigid land to endure alone.

To try and see if he could keep to the oath. And survive the suspension of 4 years alone.

The silence. The loneliness. The locks. The burns. The scars. All tightening fading, melding.

The minds. The strengths. The powers. All melding into one final tool.

2 1/2 years left. And I’m wondering is it worth it?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Woah woah

I’ve got no idea why he let go of such a chun chick man.

It’s epic level annoying. Why man? Even Kevin said he’s either gay or he’s taken. Since he isn’t taken Kevin said he’s probably gay. But yeah imagine my frustration. If I was in his shoes…I’d pretty much cut loose all the skills man.


some people just waste all their chances.

Child on a swing. says:
i feel pei
i at least want to hear the reason
before i find my own peace
Crissaegrim says:
btm line is
there is no btm line

Lucky he said it earlier. Cause if we we’re in a small confined space and he recounted this tale. There’s just be a splatting sound and red all around.


vid says:
my friends mum has fb
then her brothers status was something about exams and all la
then got four letter words all inside
then hor
the mother go write comment on his wall
Child on a swing. says:
ahahahha DICKED
vid says:
Disgraceful son, mama never taught you to use language like that
Child on a swing. says:
vid says:
then hor
we all
syok sendiri
go like the comment
then all the comments are like
well done aunty
the fella
go comment
"....but papa did"

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Angry flight

I spent the last few weeks of last term telling Sonia to end things on a good note. Not to leave angry and all sorts of stuff like that. But I got on my own flight angry.

Foot in mouth.

And the foot smelled reminiscent of parmigiano. Didn’t taste anything quite like the magical cheese though. Oh well. Get over it la.


On a side note. ------------------>

Men don’t really understand women to be honest. The ones who claim they do are just slightly better at guessing.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The dentist

Please please please please come early! Please please please let me have another 20 minutes.

Impossibly precious.

I want those 20.

Because I want that last chance.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Last words

For the year of course. Everyone is spouting their new year’s resolutions and stuff. Reflecting on their mistakes and stuff they didn’t execute to perfection. Heck even us schemers sit around for hours staring off into space wondering about what's in store for the new year so I guess it’s normal for everyone.

Well I guess I should probably come up with a new year’s resolution.

I’d call it. “To come back alive”?

I’m gonna have to find a way to sustain things. Instead of rolling the dice every now and then.

After all,

I’m a fair bit tired,

of hearing “don’t die weih”

and getting elbowed and punched,

when I tell my stories.

But all the same. If getting hit is the price of being alive and seeing all of them again.

It’s pretty worth it I’d say.